Since the dawn of time, people have needed a way to initiate a hopefully flirty conversation with someone they'd like to rub fronts with. That's where pick-up lines come in.
What is a pickup line?
Also referred to as a 'chat-up line' by our brethren across the Atlantic, pick-up lines are just some kind of conversation-opener that hopefully gets the ball rolling with your crush. There's no set format, but they tend to be a way to advertise your wittiness and sense of humor, so a lot of them tend to be kind of funny.
Another strategy is to go with something that automatically elicits a response or is bizarre/novel enough to make the other person actually stop and listen. Either way, it's the foot in the door that hopefully gets your other parts into more interesting places. Here are some of the internet's most cringy pick-up lines - and some are SO bad, they actually horseshoe around back to being good again!
1.) If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
It's a classic, it's a cliche, and it got to that status for a reason. Hopefully, you're good-looking enough to pull it off.
2.) Baby, if you were words on a page you'd be FINE print!
It's funny because it's a pun on the word fine. Get it? GET IT?
3.) How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice.
Admittedly, this is a lot less hilarious as climate change continues to devastate their native habitats but hey, you do whatever it takes to get some strange tonight, ok champ?
4.) Are you a bank loan? Because you've got my interest!
Ok, so this is probably another one that was funnier a few years ago when people could actually afford rent and bank loans weren't a subject of immediate existential panic.
5.) Feel my shirt. Know what it's made of? Boyfriend material.
Remember the days when asking strangers to invade each other's personal space was like, no big deal?
6.) I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You're making the other girls look bad.
This is one of the few lines on here that would probably actually work in real life. Try it and let us know how it went. Or don't - if it goes well you'll be busy getting laid, if it doesn't we'd prefer you DIDN'T dwell on us during your rejection rage.
7.) Are you my appendix? Because I don't know anything about you but this feeling in my gut is telling me that I should take you out.
There's nothing like a comparison to a vestigial organ to get someone all hot and bothered.
8.) I'm good at algebra; I can replace your X and you wouldn't need to figure out Y.
It doesn't take a genius to figure this one out. Unless your intended target failed math several times and is triggered by math jokes.
9.) Hey, my name’s Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
Hopefully, she doesn't respond with some devastatingly clever retort about WHY your name in this scenario incorporates the words 'Micro' and 'Soft' in it because that'd be hard to recover from.
10.) Do you like raisins? How do you feel about a date?
I'm being told I have to explain this for... reasons, so here goes: raisins are a type of dried fruit and so are dates, but 'date' is also the word for going out with a romantic interest in the hopes of getting to know them personally and possibly Biblically. So you're conceptually piggybacking the conversation off the dried fruit definition and into the romantic meetup definition.
11.) Do you have an ugly boyfriend? No? Want one?
There's something sexy about someone with the confidence to poke fun of themselves.
12.) I think there’s something wrong with my phone. Could you try calling it to see if it works?
See, this is a sneaky way for you to get the other person's number because if they call you then you'll have their number in your missed call ID. Assuming they don't see that s--t coming from a mile away, of course.
13.) You look so familiar. Didn't we take a class together? I could've sworn we had chemistry.
Because chemistry is both a subject in school AND also what we call the spark of attraction between two people. Many pickup lines are pun-based, just in case you're an alien reading this to learn about human mating rituals.
14.) Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you.
You see, dear alien reader, 'fine' can be a legal penalty to be paid for breaking a law/regulation (in this case, traffic law) but it is also a vernacular way to describe someone as being visually pleasing.
15.) I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you.
We're going from a literal fall caused by gravity to a metaphorical fall caused by an undeniable attraction. Honestly, probably won't work and these days the word 'snowflake' has become kind of loaded in sad/hilarious ways no one saw coming just a few years ago.
16.) Damn, girl, your bone structure is giving my bone structure.
It's a boner joke, ok?
17.) I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?
Please, may I leer at you namelessly at 3AM? I promise, it's not weird at all.
18.) You and I are like nachos with jalapeños. I'm super cheesy, you're super hot, and we belong together.
11/10 would go out with anyone who hit me up with this line. Who am I kidding, I work at EBW, I'd go out with anyone who shows me basic human decency at this point.
19.) Are you related to Jean-Claude Van Damme? Because Jean-Claude Van DAMN you’re sexy!
This worked better in the 90s, and is probably going to be less and less successful if you keep getting older while still hitting on girls way, way younger than you.
20.) Do you believe in love at first sight—or should I walk by again?
Another oldie-but-goodie the relative success of which, like with the vast majority of these, will depend heavily on how inherently good-looking you naturally are.
21.) Joey's Famous 'Backpacking Story' from 'FRIENDS'
"I was just outside Barcelona, hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo. I was at the end of this path, and I came to a clearing, and there was a lake, very secluded, and there were tall trees all around. It was dead silent. Gorgeous. And across the lake I saw, a beautiful woman, bathing herself. but she was crying...
I hesitated, watching, struck by her beauty. And also by how her presence; the delicate curve of her back, the dark sweep of her hair, the graceful length of her limbs, even her tears, added to the majesty of my surroundings. I felt my own tears burning behind my eyes, not in sympathy, but in appreciation of such a perfect moment.
She spied me before I could compose myself. But she didn't cry out. Instead, our eyes held and she smiled, enigmatically, fresh tears still spilling down her cheeks. I was frozen. I knew nothing about this woman, and yet, as we stood on opposite sides of a pool of water, thousands of miles from my own home and everyone I had ever known, I felt the most intense connection. Not just to her, but to the earth, the sky, the water between us. And also to the entirety of mankind. As if she symbolized thousands of years of the human condition.
I wanted to go to her, to comfort her, to probe this feeling of belonging I had never encountered before. But I couldn't. Because I knew that if I spoke, if she spoke, that moment would be ruined. And I knew I would need the memory of that moment to carry me through the inevitable dark patches throughout my life. And so I watched her lower her hand, turn, and slowly walk to the shore opposite me. The rest of her perfect form was gradually revealed to me, and I held my breath as I watched her disappear behind a copse of trees near the water.
I didn't follow her, in fact, I turned around. I knew there was nothing else we could experience together that would be more perfect than that moment... and it still remains the most profound experience of my life."
22.) On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?
"North Korea."
23.) If you were a Transformer you'd be Optimus Fine!
Depending on how big of a nerd your intended target is, this could work. Fun story I once knew a dude who had MASSIVE Autobots decals on his car. The one on the hood was fine but he also had ones on the side except he wanted them to stretch the whole length of his car so it just looked REALLY s--tty and blown out. Dude did not do well with the ladies, had a rough time selling the car too.
24.) Did your license get suspended for driving all these guys crazy?
This reminds me of a famous pirate joke. What did the pirate say after sticking a ship's wheel in his pants? "Arrrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"
25.) It’s a good thing I have my library card because I am totally checking you out.
Maybe it's just me but I've NEVER been at a library with a single librarian who looked like this. Also, generally speaking a library is a terrible spot to hit on someone because ESPECIALLY in the days of instant informational access at our fingertips, someone is only at the library if they have to be. That said, they are an awesome place for a sneaky hookup.
26.) Wanna go halfsies on a bastard?
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If your crush actually laughs at this then you've got a pretty good shot (and/or with any friend of theirs who does).
27.) Your hand looks heavy—can I hold it for you?
Ok, that's just cute.
28.) Are you into casual sex, or should I wear a tie?
It's funny because it assumes that the sex is agreed upon, and only the dress-code remains a sticking point. This feels like a forced explanation to get more words in but I assure you, it is.
29.) Are you a magician? Because when I look at you, the world disappears.
Smoooooooooooth like butter. That or your peripheral vision is actually deteriorating rapidly and you need to schedule an emergency appointment with your optometrist.
30.) I was wondering if you had an extra heart. Because mine was just stolen.
Just to avoid any confusion and possible grisly murder as a result of a terrible misunderstanding of human idioms, alien reader, allow me to clear things up: stealing someone's heart is a figure of speech. No one has lost an actual heart, nor will anyone give you an actual spare. EBW assumes no liability for your attempted recreation of the Indiana Jones 'Kaali Maa' scene.
31.) Thank you for wearing that dress.
This one comes from an ACTUAL WOMAN on Reddit who said this worked on her. Just don't be creepy about it though. Pay a nice compliment and move on, hopefully it's enough to start the conversation. If not, let it be playa.
32.) What does it feel like to be the most gorgeous girl in the room?
"Girl, you could be a part-time model."
33.) I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
Please note, this line is OK but pretending to need CPR just to get mouth-to-mouth from someone you like (a la The Sandlot) is seriously frowned upon.
34.) Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!
"Actually, he's a city planner and you're getting kicked to the curb."
35.) My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
If she replies "Yeah well, tell that a--hole to stop talking s--t," MARRY HER.
36.) Girl I put the STD in stud, all I need is U.
*Back away slowly*
37.) I just had to tell you, your beauty made me truly appreciate being able to see.
Every so often we throw in a line that's actually sweet and sincere. This is one of them and it just might work!
38.) Is there an airport nearby, or was that just my heart taking off?
Maybe get that looked at.
39.) Are you a phaser on 'Star Trek?' Because you’re set to stun!
Chance of success
Target is nerd: 80%
Target is not nerd: 0%
40.) I'm no weatherman, but you can expect a few inches tonight.
"And just like the weatherman, you've clearly overestimated the inches."
41.) You: Titanic
Them: ?
You: Sorry, not the best icebreaker.
Ok, that's f--king funny (if you've got a slightly twisted sense of humor).
42.) If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.
This one relies on the implication that there is no one more beautiful than your intended, hence why you'd end up with such a paltry sum. If it's any consolation, I don't love having to explain these any more than you.
43.) Have you been covered in bees recently? I just assumed, because you look sweeter than honey.
I... what? The compliment at the end is KINDA nice I guess but I'd be so stuck on the terrifying image of me being covered head to toe in bees, I don't think I'd receive this well.
44.) Even in zero gravity, I would still fall for you!
Baby, my love for you transcends the very bounds of time and space. It is vast and eternal, so ebullient it makes me feel like I'm flying and yet simultaneously so massive that I am powerless to resist its gravitational pull. I guess what I'm trying to say is, we should have a big bang.
45.) You’re so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.
Actually, wait, do you know where we are? What day is it? I was told by doctors that I hit my head pretty hard recently.
46.) Wanna make out?
Sometimes the direct approach is the way to go. The better-looking you are, the higher the chances that this will actually succeed (which is honestly true for most of these).
47.) I’m really glad I just bought life insurance, because when I saw you, my heart stopped.
Maybe do just a LIIIITLE Facebook-stalking first to make sure your crush doesn't have a history of heart disease in the family or a loved one who died from a heart attack before deploying this line.
48.) You must be a campfire. Because you're super hot and I want s'more.
For those who don't know - non-Americans and also our dearly beloved Alien Reader whom we write this for, s'mores are America's favorite way to mainline diabetes into its population. The name s'more is an abbreviation for "some more," the words being garbled as they're spoken by a mouth full of graham crackers sandwiching a block of chocolate topped off with a gooey, freshly-roasted marshmallow.
49.) Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.
Turn left at Albuquerque.
50.) You remind me of my big toe, because I can see myself banging you on every piece of furniture in the house.
Don't @ me, I know the GIF is a little toe, not a big toe. I've been doing this for hours now and this was funnier than the GIFs with big toes so if you've got beef, put it in a taco cuz I ain't trying to hear it.
51.) If I were a cat, I’d spend all nine of my lives with you.
"Yeah well, I'm allergic, so..."
52.) My buddies bet me that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful person here. How should we spend their money?
That's pretty smooth. You'll probably at least be able to have one drink together off of this.
53.) Is your last name Campbell? Because you’re mm mm good!
"Now, howzabout I give you my noodle?" he asked, shortly before getting a Skinny Marg thrown in his face.
54.) Hey girl, are you a beaver? Because DAM.
I'd f--k this up and go "Dam girl, are you a beaver? Because... (crap)... uh.... nice teeth?"
55.) What has 32 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.
Being the nerd that I am, I'd immediately be more fascinated by the materials and construction of the zipper to be able to manage such a feat. Is it a vibranium zipper? Was it made in the galactic forge of Nidavellir? SO MANY QUESTIONS, NO TIME FOR SEX.
56.) I’m not currently an organ donor, but I’d be happy to give you my heart.
Just to clarify, Alien Reader, this is still a metaphor. Humans don't actually rip their beating hearts from their chests as a sign of affection. Please, don't do that.
57.) You must be made of cheese. Because you're looking Gouda tonight!
Now how about we make like '30 Rock' and you can be my night cheese?
58.) Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
"Neither. If you're seeing a light, I suggest going towards it and leaving me alone."
59.) Roses are red, clovers give luck, ayy bb, u want sum f**k?
Pure poetry.
60.) Are you a sergeant? Because you have my privates' attention.
"Well it's a good thing your troops will never see live action."
61.) Wanna play carpenter? First we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
Fun fact: I've been doing a ton of DIY recently which is why this made me laugh. Currently debating between buying a pneumatic nailer vs a cordless lithium-ion one. Sound off in the comments if you have any advice on that.
62.) If you were a fruit, you'd be a fine-apple.
I probably should have put all the 'fine'-related puns into one section. Oh well! I gotta say, of all of them, this is my personal favorite because I prefer my puns to be extra cheesy.
63.) I'm writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you.
Try to be as cool as this kid, go ahead. You can't do it. He's gonna use this line on your girl and it'll work.
64.) Are you French? Because Eiffel for you.
It's hilarious because the man who designed one of the most iconic landmarks in the world has a last name that sounds just like the words "I fell" in English! HILARIOUS.
65.) Are you good at drawing? Because you could put the d in raw.
This one's probably only gonna work if your intended actually has a d--k. We brainstormed for hours on how to make this premise work in reverse, but we couldn't do it.
66.) Hey, do you mind if we take a picture together? I just want to show my mom what my next girlfriend looks like.
No? That's ok, I am actually AMAZING at Photoshop so joke's on you!
67.) Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
Subway DEFINITELY measures footlongs the same way dudes measure their meat. Which is to say, wildly optimistically.
68.) You must be a mechanic because looking at you is repairing my broken heart.
Can also replace the ending with "because you make my motor run," but the wounded dove aspect of the original (with the broken heart) might be a better play.
69.) Damn girl, you s--t with that a--?
This is genuinely only in here because when I saw it on Reddit, I knew immediately that no pickup line would ever be more bizarre or hilarious. It almost certainly won't work unless you're a true legend, in which case I'm not sure why you were here to begin with. That said, it does guarantee you'll live rent-free in the person's head for the next few days.
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